My mother has not changed her mind on the selfish act of suicide – her words not mine. However she now realises that people can conceal and hide what they’re doing and how they’re feeling.
My eldest daughter still hates her sister and resents being a victim, and she’s angry, very angry – I or I should say we couldn’t relate to this, so as parents we paid for counselling for her. We also asked her not to speak to others about what happened. She’s resents this, saying we’re dishonest and pretending it never happened, her words, not mine. We’re not. Our youngest daughter has her whole life ahead of her, looking back we never want her to feel ashamed of what she done, what has happened, the position she found herself in, or worried about what others think.
My 14 year old is receiving help from a statutory group. They’re very much following textbooks in assisting her, which as a parent I find frustrating, textbooks don’t have all the answers or make allowances for individuals. We are waiting for an appointment for further assessments for a number of areas including depression, the autism spectrum, dyspraxia and bi-polar. As they say every little helps! They believe she was being groomed by someone. She has confided in us she shared her instagram account with a stranger. Shocking isn’t it? We never knew. They have stated the person may have encouraged her to end her life. If you saw her account, you’d concur with this. She now has a basic phone, no internet but now the school holidays are upon us for an hour a day we allow her to make contact with her friends on facebook. Either her dad or myself sit with her – always. I recommend as a parent to be aware of the security on all your internet devices and do not be afraid to challenge and question your child. Our pc, our 2 laptops, our Sky, our BT broadband, our phones all had parental controls on them, password protected. The Hudl had been a Christmas pressie, we had forgotten to update its settings. More importantly don’t fall into our trap of assuming just because one child obeyed the rules of the home that obviously the other one will! It’s a hard lesson to learn.
What about me? A number of weeks ago my daughter appeared highly agitated, aggressive and with fully dilated pupils. I first of all contacted my optician, who told me I should have my daughter tested for drugs. I was shocked, I’d not thought that!!!! I liaised with our family doctor, who wanted a drug test done and my daughter’s school and a counsellor contacted immediately. What!!! How could i be so blind. I then asked my daughter the direct question
“Have you taken drugs?”
The silence continued for several days. I’d approached my daughter’s mental health team, as my doctor suggested, who arranged an urgent appointment. The result of the meeting. I’d offended my 14 year old child.
Are you sitting down? Subsequently I’m “an over-anxious mother, that needs contained.” Counselling is being arranged for me. I’m sorry, but with the experiences we’ve had, anyone would be anxious. Deep breath and carry on.
We’ve concerns for her future. It’s devastating. We can’t understand why this happened and there are no guarantees for her future well-being and good mental health. We can’t properly arm her with coping mechanisms, we can’t teach her that so much of what has happened in her life is normal and it isn’t the end of the world if mistakes are made. We can’t fully equip her for the long road ahead BUT we can show her love and continue like we’ve always done to tell her everyday that we love her.
Vixens hopes that this family, and particularly the young woman, continue to receive help and support as they have done to date. We would like to thank our contributor this week for her honest and moving account, and wish her all the best for the road ahead.